Woman Backed for Refusing To Cover Up at Husband’s Pool Birthday Party

To what limits should we go to please our partners?
This was a central concern in a Reddit post about a woman who refused her husband’s request to cover up for his birthday gathering. The post, made by a 22-year-old woman who has since deleted her Reddit account, has gone viral and sparked discussion online about the objectification of women. Relationship expert Seth Eisenberg told Newsweek his thoughts about the situation and its red flags.
In the post, the original poster wrote that her husband asked her to wear a thong bikini to his pool birthday party so he could “show her off” to his friends. Although she felt uncomfortable with his request, she agreed to make him happy on his birthday. The situation pivoted unexpectedly when her husband asked her to change into something more modest after noticing how much attention she was getting from his friends during the party.
The woman wrote in her post that she initially wore the thong bikini because she didn’t want to disappoint her husband on his special day. When he asked her to change outfits after his friends arrived, though, she drew the line: “I told him that I wasn’t gonna change. That he’d wanted me in next to nothing even when I didn’t want to be, and that’s what he was gonna get,” the poster added.
She wrote that the situation escalated into an argument after the guests left, leaving her feeling “weird” about the experience.
The woman’s post gained traction, with more than 22,000 upvotes and widespread support of her response to her husband’s backtracking.
“He wanted to show you off, that’s what he got,” one person wrote. “He has now learned a valuable lesson in trying to control your clothing choices.”
“What OP [original poster] just described is creepy and gross. I would cry if my partner wanted to ‘show me off’ to his friends like that,” another added. “You need to have a major conversation about this.”
Seth Eisenberg, president and CEO of the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS) Foundation, echoed the commenters. Eisenberg said the husband’s request for the poster to wear a thong bikini so he could “show her off” pointed to a troubling dynamic.
“This situation highlights several critical issues that need addressing, particularly around respect, communication and the dynamics of how each partner values the other,” Eisenberg said. “When the husband asked his wife to wear a thong to the pool so he could ‘show her off’ to his friends, he was treating her more as an object than a partner.”
Eisenberg added that the husband needs to acknowledge how his behavior impacted his wife. He provided an example to approach this: “I realize now that asking you to wear that thong was more about how I wanted to be seen by my friends than about what you wanted. I’m sorry for not considering your feelings.”
The woman’s post also brought to light concerns about boundaries within relationships. While the wife initially agreed to wear the revealing bikini, Eisenberg said it is troubling she felt pressured to do something that made her uncomfortable. The argument that followed, when the husband asked her to change into something more modest, revealed deeper issues in their communication, Eisenberg added.
“The power dynamics at play here are… troubling,” he said. “The husband made a request that placed his wife in a vulnerable position and then tried to reverse it when the consequences didn’t align with his expectations. This behavior undermines trust and respect within the relationship.”
Eisenberg said that the poster and her husband should engage in an open dialogue about the situation. For them to move forward, he added, it is essential they make decisions together in a way that respects both partners’ needs—and maintains their humanities.
“The husband needs to understand that his wife is not an object to be displayed but a partner with her own needs and autonomy,” Eisenberg said. “Meanwhile, the wife can express why it was important for her to stand her ground and how they can avoid similar conflicts in the future.”
Newsweek reached out to the poster for comment, via comment, on Reddit.